Assassin’s Creed meets Battlefield meets GTA. A beautifully sensual threesome that ends in pure ecstasy. The result is a game we come (no pun intended) to know as Ghost Recon Wildlands. Now, I must admit, the last Ghost Recon game I played was GRAW (Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter) and that was seemingly forever ago. But, in general, I have never been the biggest fan of Tom Clancy games. I have played several different titles, including: Rainbow Six Siege, Wildlands, GRAW, and Splinter Cell (the original), but I have never really acquired a taste for ol’ Tom… Maybe that didn’t come (no pun intended) out the way I wanted it to, but let’s find out if the Wildlands brought out my inner Tom.
Test your might! Whoopsie! Finish him! These phrases have locked their place in history through the game franchise known as Mortal Kombat. Mortal Kombat is arguably one of the longest “successful” game franchises in history. It first emerged in 1992 in arcades around the world, and since then has published dozens of Mortal Kombat games in all types of formats. Mortal Kombat X is the latest installment in this franchise. I must admit, I was quite nervous to play and review this game. This style of gaming is typically not my forte and I usually get frustrated by them to an extent of wishing I could jump out of a window to just end it all now. But, like any good man, I gritted my teeth and manned up. Let’s see if this game pushed me to the brink or not!
I think we all remember one of the most famous real-time, base-building strategy games to have ever been developed – StarCraft. Growing up, I can recall indulging in hours of StarCraft after school and loving every minute of it. And, for the record, yes, I did use the cheat codes. I was a young and naïve gamer, what do you expect?! Anyway, seeing as I am not reviewing StarCraft, I will move on past this over extended introduction. Halo Wars 2 couples the Halo universe with a real-time, base-building strategy game. I did not play much of the first Halo Wars, but I played enough to be excited about the second addition to the Halo Wars 2 universe. And, guess what, I got teased at PAX East 2017 by playing a little bit of the campaign there. Full disclosure… The Big White Angus and I experienced this game together as a team – utilizing the co-op modes that this game offers. Let’s see how it did!
My childhood fantasy come true. No, I am not talking about those “films” I watched as a kid when mom and dad weren’t home. Rather, I am talking about an adult version of playing with hot wheels! Psyonix developed a game (in a very creative way may I add) that brought hot wheels to the gaming community. Technically, The Big White Angus and I first played this game at PAX East 2017, but that was just two games. The first game we owned some n00bs, but the second game we got p0wned in front of a massive audience… But, we won’t talk about that right now. Rocket League is a sports game where you “play” as a car and the objective is to score the ball by “kicking” it in the designated area. Simple enough, right? Nope! The game is much more challenging than it looks. One may even say there is more than meets the eye (movie reference). Anyway, let’s see how this game stacked up against its biggest critic yet!
It is time to ryse (rise) and be the son of Rome! Bad pun? Ok, got it. Duly noted for next time. Ryse: Son of Rome is a third-person action and adventure game developed in a hack-and-slash style of game. You play as a Roman soldier – Marius Titus – who quickly works his way up the ranks in the Roman military on a mission to seek out revenge for the death of his family. As you progress through the story, slaying barbarians, you quickly realize that there is more than meets the eye (reference to the new Transformers movie coming out June 2017). So, how did Ryse: Son of Rome perform when put through the gauntlet of a Tasty Nades review? Let’s find out!
Conan Exiles… whether you will ever admit it, you know about this game because of the ‘Endowment Feature’ video. To keep it as ‘PG’ as possible, a video went viral where someone was playing as a man and made their ‘yogurt slinger’ smaller and larger using a slider called ‘Endowment.’ To make matters even worse (or better depending on how you look at it), they then proceeded to crouch-walk with this seemingly third leg between their other two legs. Anyway, this video alone was enough to make me say ‘I want to play that game!’ But, the real question is, was the game good enough once I got into the thick of it so to speak? Full disclosure, I played this on my gaming PC. So, unlike most of my reviews that are played on my Xbox One, I decided to give it a shot on my PC.
BUCK – A game that was first introduced to me through our PAX East 2017 trip at the Indie Megabooth! The name is quite simple and nothing flashy, but their booth at PAX caught my eye. So, I found myself playing BUCK. A 2D side-scrolling action and adventure game. Afterwards, I had a quick conversation with one of the game developers and producer – Gal Kfir. It didn’t take long for me to realize the amount of passion that has gone into developing this game and the love for games in Gal’s voice. Was the game just as simple and plain as its name? Was Gal’s passion for games accurately reflected in BUCK? Time to find out! Please keep in mind BUCK is a work-in-progress and they are still tweaking the game and expanding it every day.
Well, well, well… Would ya look what the cat dragged in. Battle-‘freaking’-Field 1! As a personal ‘CoD fan boy,’ I was nervous about playing this game. I felt like I was betraying my own child. But, in the last few years, my child has let themselves go and turned into a dad-gum drug addict. Just kidding… But, seriously, the last Battlefield game I played was ‘Bad Company’ and I wasn’t too impressed with it (sorry Battlefield lovers). So, as you may guess, I was a bit nervous to play Battlefield 1 for a variety of reasons. Did I regret this decision? Were my decision-making skills as bad as they are in my dating game? Time to find out!
This is the second app ol’ Tasty has reviewed! The famous ‘Candy Crush Saga!’ Or, as I like to call it, Candy Crush. Yeah, yeah, I know this is an ‘old’ game, but it hasn’t been until recently that I have begun playing this. I finally gave in to the peer pressure and decided to see if this game is what it has been made out to be. As with most ‘addictive’ games, I expected there to be a high influence of “pay-to-play.” Did this speculation turn out to be true? Did the game live up to its hype? Time to find out!
I’m back b*^%#@$!!! The Great Tasty Nades! After a wild end of 2016 and an even wilder start to 2017, Tasty Nades has returned to BBR! And what better way to kick off my first review of 2017 than with a game about a comic and cartoon we all loved growing up – Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! I had high hopes for this game and even higher expectations. How did it hold up to its toughest critic yet? Did it quench the Nades’ thirst? Or did it leave me high and dry like a pair of nuts on a cold day?
The Technomancer – A game I had no clue on what to expect. I had never heard of this game nor heard anyone else talk about this game so I indulged in this adventure with no expectations. “Ah…just let it happen. Cosby style…” Anyway, moving on, I found out very quickly that this game was going to be rough to say the least. The game is just about as intuitive and insightful as its title. Let’s dive a little deeper, shall we?
In this review, we will be taking a look at Deadpool from the eyes of Deadpool himself, as if we were him (and we’re not). Have fun reading and let us know what you think in the comments! So without further ado… Hahaha!!! Time to review, well, me! That’s right mother fu$%^&s! The most innocent evil super hero ever made! Well, aside from Deathstroke, since my character’s concept was stolen from him; except the fact that my character is much more exciting, fun, better looking, and the ladies have told me I am much more “well equipped” for the job. Sorry Deathstroke! According to your ex-wife, the only thing you are stroking is…well nothing since you have nothing to stroke… But, anyway, enough about me! Let’s talk about what Activision did to me! They made me into a f%&^@#^ game!!! Someone thought I was important enough, not only to make a movie, but make an entire game about me! I heard it set a world record in sales, but they keep me in the dark on that kind of stuff. After all, I am the most underpaid super hero villain guy person. So, the question you must be wondering by now is, “How is my game?” Well, sit down, shut up, and read… assuming you know how of course.
Many of our readers may frequently ask themselves, “I wonder what the great Tasty Nades’ goals, dreams, and aspirations are? Does he want to own his own yacht? Does he want to have a posse of strippers follow him around and hand distribute grapes into his mouth?” Nope! My friends, playing Call of Duty 4 as if it was in its prime is one of my goals – a fantasy of sorts. So, needless to say, when I heard about this “Remastered Call of Duty 4” I was truly harder than a sack of bricks floating in the Arctic Ocean. I had so many questions and concerns. Was it going to include all the new fancy jet packs and wall running garbage? What were they going to add to it? Or was it simply going to be same? Time to get some answers to these questions.
Life really is strange if you think about it. One event can change the course of our lives, or even a generation. But, that begs the question. What if we could go back and change events to see the varying outcomes? Well, “Life is Strange” allows you to do just that. But, the main question is how well did it do it? Let’s find out if “Life is Strange” held up to the BlueBall Standards.
Tom Clancy’s Rainbow Six Siege – First off, I will not be typing the entire title for the entirety of the review. From here on out, we will reference the game as “Siege.” Siege was the first Tom Clancy game I have played in quite a while. And, by “a while” I mean a decade plus. So, I didn’t really know what to expect. I heard rumors of people saying you are either a Tom Clancy fella’ or a Call of Duty fella’, but I didn’t really believe that garbage. That’s just die-hard fan boys being selfish, right? And so it began, Tasty Nades’ great conquest into the world of Tom Clancy.
Hmm… An interesting choice for a console game. When I first heard of Prominence Poker, my first thought was: “How can a poker game be successful on a console when there are so many established PC Poker games?” So, I was intrigued to say the least. I had so many questions and concerns, especially since this was a free game. Did Prominence Poker make the cut? Was it a success or failure? Let’s find out.
Finally! Dungeons and Dragons comes to a console (and Windows)! For years, I have made fun of those people that play Dungeons and Dragons so I was a bit self-conscious to play and review this game. Is this what Dungeons and Dragons is all about? Am I going to actually like it and feel bad for all those players I have made fun of in the past? Let’s see if Neverwinter was able to persuade this gamer to come to the dark side.
NFS: Underground 2 – any fan of racing games remembers this game. If they don’t, they are too young for you bro. This game was one of the most iconic NFS games and arguably one of the most iconic racing games of all time. This game was simply beautiful, especially for its time. It set the standard for all racing games to come and, not only set, but determined what the basic foundations of every racing game will be. Let’s break it down and see the beauty unfold.
Mechs gone wild. This was the first true “mech” style of game I have played so I didn’t know what to expect going into it. Should I expect a Call of Duty feel? Should I expect a Titanfall feel? I just didn’t know. Fine – I admit it. I cheated. I looked at reviews before playing the game. But! I didn’t READ any; I just simply wanted to get an idea of what to expect. I saw a variety of scores (from 9/10 to 5/10), but once again, I am still left confused. F*#@ it. I will find out myself. Let’s see how it held up against the best critics out there – BlueBall Reviews.
Assassin’s Creed Syndicate – the franchise that just won’t quit. For some reason, I feel like I have said that before. I was extremely hesitant to play this game. The last Assassin’s Creed game I played was Black Flag and I wasn’t the biggest fan of it; so I was skeptical of Syndicate to say the least. Let’s see how it held up.
Duck Hunt – Arguably one of the most memorable and recognizable games in gaming history. Back then, it was a way that kids could prove themselves and how good their shot was. This game was capable of bringing everyone in the family together for some friendly duels. Let’s see how the game held up against one of its biggest critics – BBR.
To sum it up in one sentence – Battlefield meets Assassin’s Creed. Homefront took on a very challenging and daunting task. Develop an open world, free roaming, first-person shooter game. As an avid Assassin’s Creed fan, I had high hopes for this game. I was ready to be a revolutionary. I was ready to take back America. I was ready to make America great again. Let’s see if my mission was a success or a lost cause.
FIFA… arguably one of EA’s most popular franchises. By far, it has the most global appeal. What does that mean? In America, soccer (or futbol as it is more commonly known) isn’t as popular as other regions of the world so this is a game where American gamers may be a minority. That being said, FIFA was this gamer’s first soccer game. I broke my soccer cherry so to speak. It was quite the experience to say the least. So, join me, while I explain the ups and downs of my cherry popping escapade.
Finally! A mobile fighting game that isn’t solely pay-to-play. Nobody enjoys a game that they can play for 5 seconds and then have to wait 24 hours to play again unless you spend your next paycheck and then some. Anyway, this is one of Marvel’s latest apps and it was quite surprising in its performance (much like me in the sack). That being said, let’s proceed to the rest of the review.
Finally! I can now see what is going on with Chief! Is he good? Bad? Did he go AWOL? Where is Cortana? I was mostly concerned about the health and well-being of that perfect body of an AI. Anyway, you may have picked up that the Halo followers were nothing short of ready for this game to be released. We had high hopes, high expectations, and some happy grass ready to get high. Let’s see how it held up.
VROOOOOOOOOOOM! The sound that every man loves to hear in the morning. Horses thundering underneath the hood. RPM’s rapidly increasing as you inch toward the 200 MPH mark. All of these special moments captured in our virtual world we have come to know as “Need for Speed.” Since most of us do not have the honor of being able to experience these feelings in the real world, we can escape to our virtual haven to simulate these heavenly desires. Need for Speed Rivals was the first racing game this gamer has played since Need for Speed Underground (and Need for Speed Underground 2), so there was a high expectation already. Let’s see how it held up.
Madden. One of the longest running franchises in gaming history, eh? Not to mention, one of the most recognizable. Many of us Madden lovers get the game every year simply out of sheer obligation or tradition. We may not want to get it, but we do. Why? Because we need to. Since 1989 (or 1988 depending on how you look at it), many of us have gotten the Madden game every single year and us “Maddeneers” are no quitters. So, onward to the review!
As I sit here in this cell, pondering how the hell I ended up in this position, I all of a sudden remember the reason – Flappy Birds. Flappy mother f***** birds. The game that awakened anger in me I haven’t felt in years. It turned me against my family, my friends, and even my children. All because of a bouncing bird that was bullshit. I didn’t hit that damn pipe no matter what the game said. I just needed one more pipe and I would have moved on with my life. If only…
Assassin’s Creed – the franchise that just won’t quit. It seems there is always a new Assassin’s Creed coming out. While this may excite some, others may argue that it is, at this point, just milking the dollar and ruining the series. But, for now, we will focus on AC: Brotherhood. As a previous avid fan of Assassin’s Creed, this was a game I played all the way through; and then some. To me, this game is the one that started the “modern assassin” trends due to its “modern” assassination additions (what a mouthful of A).
Assassin’s Creed – the franchise that just won’t quit. It seems there is always a new Assassin’s Creed coming out. I feel like I have said this before… Anyway, moving on to my second Assassin’s Creed review, this is the game that made me start to dislike the series. By now, fans such as myself, realized that they were milking this series – so they did something extreme to try and keep our attention. Which, to this gamer, ruined the series, but I will attempt to be as fair as possible for the sake of this review. ARRRRighty?
Halo 3 – This gamer’s first online experience…and an experience it was. This game is arguably one of the best games to have come out in the 2000’s. Yeah, I said it. Arguably, one of the best games in the entire 21th century. Let’s see why.